Reflections on a year

The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8

God gave me this verse about a year and a half ago when I was pregnant with the twins. I was in a Bible Study and we were doing a study written by a woman who became blind in her preteen years. The study was all about faith without sight. While I wasn't facing anything near as tragic as losing my eyesight, I was facing something very scary, unknown, and overwelming. We would be adding 2 more kids to our family when we thought we'd have "just one more." This bible study was perfect for me at the time, it challenged me to have faith that God has a perfect plan for my life, even when it's not my plan.

Kevin and I spent many hours in denile, tears, prayer, discussion, and silence as we tried to process the news of having twins. The nine months of my pregnancy were, for the most part, difficult and challenging. I felt guilty that I didn't have the "excitement" that I did with the other two. I was scared and unsure, not light-hearted with anticipation. During the last 3 months especially I was in constant prayer that the babies would not be born premature. I was unable to do everything active that I enjoy doing, which was hard on me and our family. Not until after the babies were born and we looked back at the summer, did Kevin and I realize how stressful summer of '10 really was.

God was faithful though, and he gave us 2 full-term, healthy little babies. Those first weeks home were still filled with tears and tension as we tried to figure out how to balance a family of 6. Again, God was faithful and gave us people to bless us and help us. We were given meals by our church family and friends for 2 months, we were blessed with diapers for 9 months, and we were blessed by people who volunteered to help with child care whenever we needed it. My mom came over every morning for a couple weeks, and then only on preschool mornings to help with breakfast and to watch the younger 3 so I could take Ethan to school. I don't know that I could have survived last year without her help in the mornings. A woman from our church, who has since become a friend, came over every Tuesday to watch the babies so that Ethan, Morgan and I could go to Bible Study. It was such a relief to be able to get out of the house with only two kids and do something for ME. It helped me remain a sane and good mommy to know I would be able to get out of the house one morning a week. Every Tuesday evening my parents had Ethan and Morgan over for dinner. This gave Kevin and I time to have a quiet meal with only 2 at home (the two that don't talk back:). This was so important for our marriage and just gave us something to look forward to each week. There were 2 other women from church who stepped up and offered to watch any of the kids any other time I needed it. It was so nice knowing I had someone to call if I needed to get out for a while or bring someone to the doctor. God was so faithful in the practical ways this past year.

When we found out we were having the twins we said that God does things for a reason, he never lets something happen to us by chance. Besides the blessing of 2 healthy, happy children we wondered why else God would "bless" us with this challenge. One reason that has already become evident to me is that he used it to draw Kevin and I closer to each other and closer to him. Shortly after the babies were born we began spending time in prayer and in the Bible together in the evenings. God used that time of conversation to draw us closer to each other, to make us more of a team as we sought to lead our children in daily life. I feel strongly that God gave us Hudson and Brooklyn to make us more intentional parents and to draw us closer to Him.

While at the begining we questioned and fought what God had drawn up for us, we love our babies and wouldn't give them up for anything. They bring us and others a lot of joy with their quick smiles and content hearts. We have survived the first year, we've made it through breast feeding and bottles and schedule setting. It feels good to be on this side of a year. There are definitely still days that we struggle with the "why", but we have to remain trustful that God will take care of us in his way. I don't normally share my heart like this on our blog, but I want to remember where we were and how far we have come. Often our pictures show only the happy times in our house, and while there are plenty of those times, there are also many times of conflict, tears, and anger. We are striving daily to model and teach to our kids what it means to be loving, compassionate, and obedient. If you think of it, say a prayer for us as we walk on this journey.

To those of you who have helped us, prayed for us, and encouraged us THANK YOU. It takes a village and we are thankful for ours!